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His main profile pic includes three of his mates (those are almost worse than the sneaky selfies because you don't know if you've pulled an alpha male or his loser friend) but we have a mutual acquaintance who assures me he's a "safe bloke". He's exactly the sort of 20-something that Tinder or Ok Cupid would welcome: hip, active on social media, possibly polygamous (a cheat), but authentic and upfront about it.

It's as compulsive as moodboarding baking projects on Pinterest: swipe, scroll, drool, click, reload. Wednesday The localised aspect of the app hits me tonight – at my local. I don't even need to leave my sofa to flirt, let alone risk liver damage in pursuit of enough Dutch courage to politely humour a clinger for 45 minutes.

I keep coming back for more cheap, mindless thrills throughout the day. Online, I simply opt-in to a flirt, and if I don't respond no one gets hurt. Thursday I'm headed to Yorkshire to visit a friend for the evening and take the opportunity to spin the Tinder wheel.

I’d never lie to someone about that.” But would he be economical with the truth to obscure the one-way street the relationship was headed down?

“Misunderstandings happen,” he shrugs, before asking how I rate the date so far from one to 10.

He’s asked to meet but he's not showing his teeth in any of the photos.

Would it be impolite to ask him to Snapchat me a gum-shot, so I can be sure he's not a toothless hick?He's cute so I take the ethnographic approach as he describes the back-and-forth of flirting on Tinder as “tedious intellectual foreplay." He tells me he’s met up with several Tinderers with the sole aim of having sex almost immediately – a game plan that has seen him ditched more times than it’s worked.“I'm not on Tinder for a relationship but I enjoy going on dates and having casual sex.Well, right up until this morning, when he asked me how I rated the sex so far from one to 10.Tinder isn't a dating app, it's the Yellow Pages for ego-boosting one-night-stands.I start consuming hundreds of profiles on boring journeys or in queues for a slow barista.

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